Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing? Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. I can't go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. I hope I didn't brain my damage. I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?! Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train! Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
- Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
- Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
- Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three "Highlander" movies.
But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life.
Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
- I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
- What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
- Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Marge, just about everything's a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not supposed to go to the bathroom. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life. Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Duffman can't breathe! OH NO! Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns." I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city! Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Jesus must be spinning in his grave! You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity. I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. You don't win friends with salad. But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life.
Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
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